Why emotional unavailability gets us weak at the knees
Friday, February 10, 2011- The Dalhousie Gazette
Samantha Durnford, News Editor
All it took was one insult to sweep me off my feet. “How much crack did you smoke today?” were the first words out of his mouth. One and a half years later, a break-up, and a cat, I’m left wondering how that one line lead me to one of the best relationships I’ve had.
Alex Dionisio is a self-proclaimed asshole. He picks up women with insults, much like the one he used on me that day. Guys use tactics like this all the time to pick up chicks, and we fall for it.
Why do we love the assholes? Dionisio says “it’s simple.”
“Girls like assholes because everyone loves what they can’t have. But, it works for me because I’m hot.”
He says women like these cocky, confident guys because we ladies want an ego boost. A “win,” one might call it.
“Girls want you to want them and they want the challenge of making you like them,” says Dionisio. “Nice guys are chumps. They will give the girl what they want right from the start, which is the validation that the girl is above them. Right away the girl sees she is better than him and is no longer interested.”
Are we that vain? Is that all it takes? An insult and a “challenge” that’s really only disinterested interest?
Just look at guys like Tucker Max and The Situation. They’re womanizing assholes that get women by being cocky, pinning friends against each other, and sending them home as soon as they wake up in the morning. I would say this is sad, but really, it works to some extent.
Like the saying goes, nice guys finish last. But, this game can be played from both sides.
I’ve read the book, Why Men Love Bitches, and realize that two can play the game of “asshole.”
One of the rules in the book is that “women who have men climbing the walls for them aren’t always exceptional. Often, they are the ones who don’t appear to care that much.”
See! Two can play at the game of chase. We all love assholes.
Taylor Aikens says it all comes down to confidence. He says he’s not extremely nice to a girl when he first meets her, but rather, acts like he’s a catch.
“Unless you look like Channing Tatum, you’re striking out more than you hit,” he says. “It’s just about being confident enough to take a little rejection. I always think about it this way, if I talk to her, what do I have to lose?”
However, chivalry is not dead. After the original “pick-up,” assholes should switch gears. Dionisio did. He was a great boyfriend and after that first pick-up line, he worked to win me over. But the key here is getting your foot in the door. Feeding girls cheesy lines and buying them umbrella-drinks might get them drunk enough, but just enough to go home with your best friend who’s been ignoring her all night.
Maybe all we need is that self-assurance that the asshole seems to have: no fear and the leaking confidence that you are the prize who people want to run a marathon for. I mean, you are, aren’t you?